there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
