I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
