There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
