Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
