I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
