My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
