I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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