I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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