Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize