we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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