Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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