Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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