I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Randomize
