yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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