I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
