Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
