yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
