I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
40s are totally the cure
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
