My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
