So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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