u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
