So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
