Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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