His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
