apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
