Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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