So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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