After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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