I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
