the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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