The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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