also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
