fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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