Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Everything about him screamed your future.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
