If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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