textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
