Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
