It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
