The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
