don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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