Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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