I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
