so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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