I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
