Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
