you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
as a side note pls kill me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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