when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
