new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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