I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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