and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
