well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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