32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The adults are the big ones right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
