We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
