Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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