margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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