i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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