was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
