OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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