So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
