mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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