she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize